Great Expectations

We all have them.  Expectations of the day, our spouse, our kids, our hair, traffic, vacations, etc... 
We expect certain results based on our actions or the actions of others.
This blog post is living proof.  I just finished my sketch and was ready to upload everything when VOILA! I logged in and the lengthy blog post that I had written a few days ago and "saved" was gone.  
I predicted the future and got screwed.
So here I start again, in a more Cliff Notes abridged version. 

We spend our lives living in the past and the future but never for NOW.  Now that isn't to say that we don't cherish some specific moments, but when the day is typical or drones on, we don't pay attention to those little fleeting moments that we won't get back. We somewhat live in a haze. Driving on autopilot, making the same repeat meals, doing the same old job.  We regret things we have done in the past or blame others for things they have done to us, but we don't LIVE in the current moment.  We look to the next big thing in our future: an upcoming vacation, buying that bad ass pair of new shoes, moving to a new city, but when we get there what do we do? We plan out the Next-Big-Thing.

As a yoga instructor I teach others to Be Present. This is a very Buddha way of thinking and I am not Buddhist, however I have learned on my yogic path that this is a pretty cool way to live.  Stop what you are doing now which is presumably reading this post, and look around you, smell the air, look out the window, pet the cat/dog/fish, enjoy THIS moment you are living for now.  When you live in the moment and follow the path of Being Present you can not only enjoy the good moments, but feel the bad ones in a different light so that you really know when you don't want to repeat them again.  Our lives are full of hours, minutes, and seconds that we can't ever get back, don't you want to know that they were spent being lived to the fullest? 

As for the expectations, when you live for NOW you stop trying to predict the future.  No matter what you or I are doing right now, we cannot predict what will happen next.  When you stop trying, life gets sweeter. I could have my entire evening planned to the minute but if my doorbell rings unexpectedly, my future has changed.  If I have a fender bender tomorrow while driving to work, my future has changed.  If the weather is crap and I am about to travel, my future has changed.  So what have I done by having expectations? I have set myself up for disappointment.  Now that doesn't mean that all outcomes are negative but the fact remains, you can't predict the future.  

Same goes for the past.  I have some fantastic memories and some really crappy moments in my past life. Some of them were due to my own stupidity and idiocy and some were due to other fucktards I encountered.  On occasion some were even caused by those that I loved.  Nevertheless, they happened, they are in the past, and you can't change the past.  I wish I could go back to all of the amazing feelings but I can't, I can only create new ones.  No matter how bad I feel, how much I regret my mistakes, or how angry someone elses actions have made me, I can't change them or take them back either... ever.  So why do we beat ourselves and other up over the past?  
I have one family member that will start heated arguments over something that happened 20 years ago! I have an in-law that has repeated the same negative stories about the same people over and over and over to the point that I could recite them in my sleep! What the hell does that accomplish? 2 examples of people who are negative and pissed off at the world.  Living in the past and proud of it, waiting for that magical someone to say "You know what? You are right, they were SO wrong and you were SO right.". Whew, now we can move on to the next 20 years of bitching and moaning! ...I can't wait ...

The past is what makes us who we are, what defines us and what shapes us as human beings.  What we should at least strive to do is learn from our mistakes. Period. Don't hold on to them and don't repeat them. As for the good stuff, as long as it is legal and doesn't hurt anyone, do it over and over and over again.

Forgive those who have hurt you.  That doesn't mean you have to forget but to forgive is to release yourself from the negativity of those feelings and to start over. With that said, you don't have to be a doormat.  You can forgive and step away from the problem.  Move on, case closed.  

Life is a day to day challenge full of surprises.  If you can learn to Be Present and live for now you will allow yourself to see things more clearly, more defined and to take in at least some of those hours, minutes and seconds that you would have otherwise just ignored or floated through on auto-pilot.  Be Present when you bite into a piece of food by simply doing nothing else but eating.  Don't watch TV, don't hang out on the web, just eat.  Let the taste buds do their job so you can actually taste your food.  Be Present when you listen to music.  Don't talk, just listen to each and every sweet note and word sung.  Be Present when you sit, walk, and breathe.  When someone is talking to you, actually take in not only the sound but the words being spoken.  Each moment is there to be enjoyed, you just have to start tapping into them to get the best out of them.

As this is the holiday season, take this opportunity to start Being Present.  Surround yourself with good people that have good intentions.  Like attracts like. Let go of expectations and simply live for each moment this season has to offer.  If the shopping frenzy is too much then back off and make note to shop earlier next year. If the family is just far too dysfunctional then limit the time spent with them or vow to change tradition next year.  Whatever you do, at least take a minute or two a day to start on a path to Being Present.  

Let go of the past, let the future be an exciting, unknown adventure and enjoy NOW.  

Happy Holidays from the Rat Hole.  

Marriage: Now in disposables!

Marriage used to be an institution, a promise, a vow for life.
Now it is a convenience for anyone who watches too much reality TV to think that it is quite easy to marry someone and just as easy to divorce them after 17 weeks. 

"Did you see the way he was lookin' at her? I wanna divorce, MO**** FU****!"

My husband & I own a marine rigging company.  Just one of many MANY hats I wear.  As my life is like a tilt-o-whirl out of control I have a million things floating around in my head at all times... in violent circles and a lot of them revolve around boat parts which is how we come to the analogy below.

Marriage is like rigging ... ( PSST! Welcome to boating 101. Rigging is the wires that hold up the mast of a sailboat which is the big stick thingy that holds up the sail.  Got it? Okay moving on ...) 
Rigging has about a 10-12 year life span due to life expectancy of the materials. If a piece of rigging breaks when the boat is under sail the results can be catastrophic.  These are like the arteries of the rig.  One breaks and the mast can come crashing down causing injury or death.  Just like in marriage, you cant always see the problem.  With rigging we tend to hear customers say "it looks good" or, "my rigging is 20-30 years old and its fine!" (usually by an old crusty sailor who won't be told any different). Think about it ... your wife, your husband, your life.  3, 5, 10 years into your marriage ... It's NEW! It's EXCITING! It's FUN! (if you're lucky, or dull as hell if you're not) but as it gets older you kind of forget about it, you take it for granted, you let it ride out the storm (pun intended) and you don't maintain it.  Rigging damage doesn't typically occur in the strands of wire but where the wire connects to the fittings.  They get stressed under load, they crack, and they get what is called crevice corrosion (and NOBODY likes a corroded crevice). These are internal problems, you can't see them.  Things look fantastic on the outside but are breaking down and cracking from the inside.  You have to replace them before they stress to their maximum load.  

NO THIS IS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT FOR DIVORCE!!!!!! 

You need to take care of them, you need to watch over them, keep them as shiny and new for as long as you can and when the time comes to replace them do so before it is too late. 

Replace: Bad feelings for good ones
Replace: Put downs for compliments
Replace: Selfish for Share nice and you can play in my sandbox
Replace: Divorce brain to make this shit work brain
Replace: Silence for speak
Replace: Anger for LOVE

You made a vow to love, cherish and honor that person 'til death do you part.  If you didn't take your vows seriously when you made them, than you should have never hitched the wagon in the first place.  

3 weeks ago I celebrated my 3rd wedding anniversary .  Since we married we've lost jobs, been sued, and had more dysfunctional family drama than most people have in a lifetime.  
Has it been easy? No. Has it been hard? Beyond belief.  

I took 42 years (old maid) to find my first and only husband.  Why? Because that's the hand I was dealt. 
I had the fairy tale dreams, monstrous wedding, white picketed fence, 2 kids (one of each) fantasies when I was a kid but that just simply isn't the way life worked out and it is okay by me.  I had time to have fun, be an asshole, make a LOT of stupid mistakes and moved on (Cliff notes version).

Then in 2008 I met a man with an accent who changed my life.   

When we got married we had to undergo 6 sessions with our pastor. He wasn't a counselor or a therapist but as he put it, "I am a realist". One of the first things he did was to provide us with some statistics:
"Based on current stats in the US, your marriage has a 50% rate of survival".  Holy shit.  Because my husband was on his second marriage and I had been in a long term relationship (9 years), our survival rate dropped even lower.  The odds were and still are against us.  The biggest piece of advice he gave that still sticks with me was "don't lose sight of who you are as an individual". 
You will live your lives together, make decisions together, and have fun together, but don't forget to keep doing what ever it is that YOU enjoy doing to keep you happy and sane.  Keep your own internal flame lit and be sure to respect that same time and space for your spouse. That doesn't mean go out and get shitfaced every night with your friends because that is what makes YOU happy. You create boundaries and trust with one another and that all comes with respect for your marriage.

Live your lives with respect for each other as human beings. We are no better than the other person.  We all bleed the same.  

Go into marriage with the intention of forever.  It is better to back out before you take the plunge than to dive in and become another statistic.  If you are young (20's) take time to get to know this person and make the right decision.  Don't rush marriage because you are so blinded by the excitement of a ring and a wedding day. It won't always be that glorious wedding day under the sun.  Rings tarnish, the flowers die, and the anniversaries start to stack up.  
Once you unpack that suitcase & write the thank-you notes, real-life starts back up again. They don't say "the honeymoons over" for nothing.

Marriage is HARD.  Marriage is WORK. 

So regardless of what we have been through so far and what is yet to come, I only want to do this once. I made a vow and I intend to keep it. 
Come hell, high water, or mentally dysfunctional family. 

For those of you already married just remember that you took a solemn vow in front of your spouse, your friends and family, your officiant, and your "God" (insert your own format here_____). Don't think about divorce until you have worked yourself to the bone in order to save it. Divorce is easy, marriage is hard.  Are you a hard worker or a quitter? 

Do whatever it takes to maintain your "marital rigging" so it will be there alongside you to support you forever and be the best spouse you can possibly be.  xo

Help (I need somebody)

One week ago today my husband & I were sitting on our deck drinking coffee around 9:30ish am.  The weather was gorgeous, the kids were asleep and the cats were watching us through the windows.  The birds were singing, a few dogs barking, but all in all, a pretty peaceful scene... until 'BANG'!!! We looked at each other and no one said a word but we both thought the same thing ... gun shot.  Now we don't live in the ghetto but we hear a lot of fireworks and occasional shots that sound like pellet guns & such so to be honest, we didn't say a word to each other, just a glance, then back to our coffee.

About an hour later we decided to take a family bike ride.  While out we noticed a LOT of police activity approx. 5 doors down.  First thing my husband said to me "remember what we heard earlier?".  It hadn't even crossed my over-busy mind.  An hour later, a forensics van arrived.

Long and short of it, after a few phone calls to neighbors I found out that the couple who lived in that house had been going through (or getting ready to) a divorce.  The husband apparently had come to the house while the wife was out, mowed the lawn, then shot himself in the backyard.  His son found him.

My first relief was that there was no break-in or murder among our quiet 'hood, however when reality set in I was highly disturbed by the thought that I heard the sound that took another human beings last moment on this earth...and it was only a short walk from my own home.

I can luckily say that I have no experience with suicide, nor do I wish to. It scares me.  It doesn't solve anything and what I have witnessed is the pain and suffering that it causes those left behind. 
My intention with this blog is not to rant on sad, depressing or bitchy things but as the topics come up, I take them and run with them.  It took me a week to decide whether or not to address this so here we are.

I have been depressed.  Clinically. Emotionally.  Mentally. Classify it how you wish but even in what I considered my darkest hour I never thought of ending my life because of it.  Depression is real and if you have never experienced it consider yourself lucky.  It isn't bullshit and it isn't something someone does for attention.  If they are truly depressed, it is an illness, a chemical imbalance in the brain.  It can be caused by the genes floating around in your body or it can be the result of a traumatic event (situational). After weeks and weeks of my freaky behavior I decided to address it and to this day I am thankful that I did. Noticed it, got it treated, moved on with my life.

Life presents many gifts in life and they aren't all good.  Death, divorce, termination, ridicule, there is a big nasty list of reasons to be pissed off and sad but there is ALWAYS a brighter side.  A shelter to house you, a kitchen to feed you, a church to guide you.  
I am not an expert, a doctor, a social worker, or a psychiatrist.  I am another human being who has compassion for others whether human or four-legged.  This past 3 years has aged me rapidly due to many stressful situations that were out of my control.  They brought me down but I always had faith that life would get better.  Even in the event that my "worst enemy" (so to speak) was in dire straights I would be the girl voted "Most likely to help an asshole even though they screwed me over" because that's just how I am.  
This world (and this country) is losing its compassion for each other in a rapid succession day by day.  In the words of the great Metallica, it is Sad But True.  We are all about me me me and it needs to change.

Reach out and help your fellow man, woman, or child.  If you know someone who is showing signs of depression or even worse, desperation, see what you can do and how you can help.  It can be something as simple as listening, sharing a meal, or guiding that person to the resources they need to get back on a clear path to happiness.

Life is a beautiful thing, don't waste it, regret it, end it ,or let it pass you by. 
xoxoxo

Fear Factor

"Fear not what you can do yourself, but fear what others can do to you!"... wait, that's not it... "The only thing we have to fear, is the fear of other idiots!".... nope... one more... "fear is only as deep as you let your enemies drive it into you"... sigh...

Okay, don't quote me then.  Fear sucks. Fear of heights, fear of snakes, fear of death.  But I think the biggest fear is the fear instilled by another human being which in turn, causes us to have fear within ourselves.

I have been involved in a few situations in the past few years that have brought me a little closer to the fear factor.  People get off on trying to scare you, to intimidate you, to create fear.  It has been family related, money related, and legally related.  What I find the most interesting of all is that the basic idea behind all of these things is to make someone else feel like shit.  

When you think positive, you feel positive, and when you feel positive it can do two things: 1) Make those around you feel better, about themselves, about the day, whatever. 2) Make those who have a problem with you REALLY pissed off.  

The last thing your arch nemesis wants for you is to succeed and be happy.  Hopefully you don't have an "arch nemesis" in your life but more likely than not you have encountered those who have some beef with you.  These are typically miserable, negative, saddened, lonely people who are not happy or satisfied with their own lives.  By lonely I don't mean alone.  You can have 20 people standing around you at all times and still be lonely.  How so? Because you are not happy or fulfilled with your own self.  If you don't like YOU then how can you expect others to follow suit? It is hard to convince people to think "damn that chick is awesome" if you look in the mirror every day thinking you are an unhappy, unattractive, unwealthy, unhealthy, etc.. etc... individual.  

Life brings us experiences and with experience comes mistakes.  We all make mistakes.  We are not perfect and we should never claim to be.  I've made more mistakes than I care to admit but I've learned from each and every one of them & hopefully, won't repeat them.  When you learn from them, you persevere.  When you repeat them, well... you are an idiot. 

There is this thing called forgiveness.  You don't have to forget what someone did to you but you can forgive them.  This is an individual choice and one that is hard to do for some people, sometimes you simply can't forgive someone for their actions if they are just that bad.   But I've learned a few things this past few years about forgiveness.  It is much easier and healthier than hate and plotting revenge.  I've even taken to forgiving some real shitbags simply because I feel sorry for them.  When you are in your teens & 20's it can be common to have that "get even" spirit.  I've been there, I've done it.  She said, he said, I'm going to call her & tell her, you call them and tell them, lets stir the proverbial pot.  When you are young (I hate to admit it) it's fun.  As you get older, hopefully you realize that the idea of "sweet revenge" isn't really all that fun... it is draining and taxing and frankly I have better things to do with my life than spend another moment on someone else's anger and stupidity.

So much for getting off track.  Fear.  When someone is pissed at you they can threaten you, taunt you, hate you, or plot against you.  This takes effort and energy.  What they want to create is fear and misery.  When you give in to that fear, they win.  Same goes for fear created in our day to day lives.  Our world is scary but you have to life your life each day to the fullest if you can.  Just as there was a horrific massacre in a Kenyan mall last week, you or I could find ourselves standing in the wrong building at the wrong time and someone could shoot me or blow up the place I stand.  I'm not trying to be morbid but I am trying to be realistic because this is the world we have created and the one we live in.  

Life is short.  As I sit her typing, this is my life.  It is passing me by with each and every second, minute, hour and day and once it passes, I can't get it back.  Neither can you.  My 45th birthday is in a few weeks and I reflect back to my mother saying "time flies by, before you know it you'll by my age!"... Yup... she was right. As far as I am concerned, I was 30, like... a week ago.  I realize that giving in to the fear that these idiots in my life are creating is senseless.  I have a great family both immediate and by marriage, great friends and students and I simply cannot live life looking over my shoulder waiting to see what trick is up "their" sleeve. My main goals in life are to create a happy family and as much abundance as possible.  I am working on the abundance as we speak.  When someone has a problem with you, the last thing they want to see you do is succeed so it is my new goal in life to do just that. Succeed.... big time... with honors. 

I won't spend too much time on word wars with "you". I won't spend much time getting stressed out over "your" actions towards me, and I will do everything in my God-given power to make sure that I create a fantastic life for my family as well as being positive and happy while I do it.  Want to talk about me? Go ahead, because I won't respond on "your" level...why not you ask? Because your level is low class.  What I realize is that YOU have the problem not me.  YOU have chosen to spend YOUR time and effort in YOUR life to bother me, us, and everyone that doesn't agree with YOU.  I won't waste MY time and energy on you.  With all that said, take these words in BOTH directions.  Don't give in to the fear and don't create the fear.  

Is this post personal? Yes, personal to me. It is personal for me to pass on the message that fear is something that should be reserved for your fear of sharks, small places, spiders, and things that go bump in the night. Not the fear of the average Jane & John Doe who's priorities are in the wrong place. 
Use your energy wisely my friends, life is happening here and now and what is gone, can't be brought back. 

Live your life to the fullest... live your life with happiness... and most of all: 

"Find yourself and love what you find" -  K. Crisp

Vagina shorts

Yes I said it...Vagina.

The noonie, vag, puss, twat, bearded clam, fish taco, cooch, etc...etc...

Don't be so flabbergasted my prudes, you see it all over the street, all over the news, and on every channel you turn to so saying it out loud shouldn't really turn you any shade pink except maybe poontang pink! 

When I was in my 20's I wore short  shorts so I get it. You're young and you want to look like a hot piece of ass. Been there done that.

Now there's a difference in being hot and sexy and looking like a skanky whore with you labia hanging out. 

Sorry to be graphic but that's how you ladies dress, graphic...and it ain't flattering.

The most recent revelation of the vagina outrage came in the form of an Achy Breaky daughter and her foam friend on MTV a few weeks ago. Now if you go back in pop culture history you know there is always, and will continue to be...shock value. Madonna started it, Lady Gaga followed  a few decades later, but I'm not really sure how to even define what Miley was trying to do. She's a really cute girl, good voice, great body. However, waggling the tongue once was ok, slapping it all over the stage was just odd. The bears were cute but her outfit was not...it fit badly and wasn't flattering. Licking all over Robin Thicke was just like watching Madonna at 50 making out with Britney...disturbing. Then she screwed herself with the foam finger...WTF? 

Okay let me reiterate, I'm no prude, but that wasn't really a display of shock value, just slop value. Nothing cute, sexy, or edgy...just sloppy...and now that cute girl who had the hearts of billions of teens and their parents are all scratching their heads thinking "dear God I hope my daughter doesn't end up like that". 

Madonna rolling around in a wedding dress on the MTV awards in the 80's is like a day in church compared to that fine display of Klassiness...yes, with a capital K.

There is a way to be hot and sexy. You can wear your short shorts, your mini skirts, torso tops, cha cha heels, whatever...pick your poison. But remember that what you portray is what you'll attract. Dress skank, attract skank. Dress whore, get treated like a whore. Dress class and you will attract class.

As for the shorts...men please don't be fooled by us and how "comfortable" we say everything is. It's not. Our 5" heels are not comfortable nor are the shorts with the 1 centimeter inseam. Mom always said "sometimes you have to suffer to look good". Yes, she really said that as she made me put lotion on my hands so I could jam bracelets on that were too small, but as I got older I had to adopt my own reality of "this is crazy".  If it doesn't fit, don't wear it.

If you have to tug, dig, pull and grab the articles of clothing you are wearing constantly up, on, or out of your crevices...THEY DON'T FIT!  If you walk like a baby calf in your wedges...THEY ARE TOO TALL! If you have camel toe, you are not doing your nether regions any good so don't complain when you have a full blown loaf of bread baking downtown.

I'm not perfect by any stretch. I've dug plenty of thong from MY nether regions, but I did it when no one was looking! I was blessed with a mother who cared a little too much about fashion so I was tutored on how to walk in heels around age 13. No small task for a 5'10" adolescent. But most importantly she taught me to dress with class and style.

I have my own wacky ways of fashion but my shit is covered...and as I get older I won't lose my youthful ways but I will make damn sure I don't look like a middle aged woman desperate to be 20 again. Your 40+ year old cleavage looks good UNLESS you have 25 years of sun damage which means your cleavage looks like a ravine heading to the desert.  Not attractive.  According to my husband, my body is perfect and if he thinks that then that is all I care about.  There is a fine line to walk... if your man is overprotective and wants you covered in a sheet, lose him.  He's overprotective and over jealous.  He should want you to look good and for other guys to be envious that you are the one on his arm.  If he wants you to dress like a whore... well... then he is probably trash himself and doesn't respect you the way you deserve.

Take pride in yourself and flaunt what you've got... but remember... do it with class and style.  Show your long legs, your big boobs, your great bod, whatever but present yourself in a way that people go "Wow, she looks fantastic!", not "gross, what a slut".  Make your momma proud and your daddy sigh with relief that his little girl isn't half-naked when she walks out the door.

If you listen to Usher's song "Yeah",  Ludacris sums it all up in one line.
"We want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed".
So there you go... there is a place for everything... even your vagina shorts. 

Unplugged

Question: How many of you were raised with a rotary dial phone?
Question: How many of you are thinking "What the hell is a rotary dial phone?".

Our ways of communication have changed dramatically through the course of history.  Grunting, hand signals, hieroglyphics, Morse code, telegraph, can & string, telephone, screaming across the room... you get it... but nothing prepared this planet for the PC or the mobile phone. 

In my lifetime, I grew up with one phone, dialed with a finger going 'round and 'round each number.  If you were lucky you got through.  If you were cheap you might hear your neighbors talking because you shared a "party line", and if you were unlucky... GASP! You got a busy signal.  
Several months back my 12 year old stepson said "what's a dial tone? what's a busy signal?"  The only reason they know what a rotary phone is is because I have 2 in the house as kitsch. 
I get it, I'm middle aged & rapidly turning into a crusty old lady.  

The good news is that I am on the cusp of being blessed by technology yet smart enough to realize that I am also being cursed by it.  I got my first PC in 1995 (ish) and my first cell around the same time.  Both were expensive and slow, the internet was dial-up and the mobile was pricey and had spotty coverage.  You used your phone in an emergency OR to show people how cool you were (or if you were lucky... they might perceive you as rich).  The fascination with the internet was chat rooms, IM'ing and the World Wide Web as presented by Netscape.  

Fast forward 15+  years and we live in a completely different world.   One completely connected by electronic devices.  We are unable to function in our day to day living without our smartphone strapped to our side or our laptop, PC, or tablet within reach,  We are a society destined for neck, shoulder, eye and back problems simply because we walk around like zombies in the "downward head" position.  ...and what exactly is so important that we are spending most waking hours of our days tied to these things? My best guess #1 is social media.  My 2nd guess is texting tied closely with email. 
It is a worldwide addiction/epidemic and I too have become victimized by the electronic plague.

The internet is fantastic, don't get me wrong.  We no longer need encyclopedias, maps, reference books, reading books, records, cassette tapes or CD's... or human contact... and THAT is the kicker.  

Let's start with the tangible stuff... 

There is no longer a need for music stores & that affects and saddens me the most.  Regardless of the format, buying music used to be a social experience.  You were forced out of the house to go on a journey. It didn't matter if you were waiting for a new release or just going "because", hanging out at the music store was something to do. 
Early on you were forced to take a chance and buy an entire album.  It didn't matter if 8 out of 10 songs on that album were shit, if you wanted the good songs or the popular songs, you had to buy it all.  The 45 rpm single was an option but often as it was, the B-side could also tend to be crap.  As times progressed you could toss on some badly worn headphones &  listen to samples  in-store of new releases or some awkward, undiscovered talent that was just lucky enough to have some pimply-faced record store clerk who LOVED their music so much that he/she convinced someone to make it "managers choice" that week.  
The music store is where we met our friends, ran into people we knew, or just made an escape from reality. But it had a smell, a feel, and LOT'S of sounds that gave us fantastic memories. 
Now we sit at our desk, in our home, in front of a screen, scrolling through MP3's... alone.   We no longer have to buy the shitty music we were once forced to.  Is that bad?  For the artist it is a tragedy of lost revenue.  For the consumer it is a mixed bag.   There is no longer a discovery process.  For anyone who lived through life before digital media you know all to well the familiar scene of listening to your record, cassette, or CD the first time & deciding after 4 notes that a song was crap... but then one time, just one time you accidentally let the music play through to discover.., it wasn't all that bad, and after playing it over and over and over we found ourselves reading the words in the liner notes, and singing it out loud.  I love my iPod (it died a tragic death and hasn't been replaced) because I no longer need to put CD's, cassettes or 8-tracks in my car.  My music is portable and the size of a fat credit card... but it comes at a price, and one that I am really sad that as a society we had to pay.  I miss you Tower Records... sob sob... 

Growing up there was the RIF program.  Reading is Fundamental.  You had to read so many books a year in school and were rewarded for reading so many over the summer.  The local library was yet, another place to go, get information, be social and be seen.  My dad used to take me to the library every Saturday.  I picked out mountains of books, read them like a fiend, and returned them 2 weeks later.  It was the 1970's. Judy Blume was to be worshiped by every pre-teen, and teenage girl (sorry, we didn't use the stupid term "tween" back then) and that was where you learned your lessons in life... "Are you there God, it's Me Margaret" was a pre-teen bible.  
Once again, the library, the bookstore...an EXPERIENCE.  As I got older the used bookstores became my favorite because they were another place to learn and discover and maybe run into your friends & acquaintances.  Some of my favorites were in old buildings with nooks & alcoves you could sit in and get lost in.  They had a dust old smell of their own.  You could scour the aisles for a familiar author, or simply get sucked in by the look of the intriguing artwork on a books cover. 
Now we can't be bothered with the book much less the bookstore.  The Kindles, iPads, and Nooks of the world have replaced the book.  Once again, a mixed bag.  Less paper, I'm okay with that.  Less to carry around, I'm okay with that. Another screen to look at? I'm not okay with that.  I predict that the eye care industry is going to absolutely surge in the next 10 years because of our generation and beyond due to the increasing use of screen time. I've worn glasses since I was 2 and frankly if I didn't have that expense in my life I would be a happier person.
I love the feel of a book in my hand, and creating a library in my home.  As someone with a design background I just don't think the same effect will be achieved with a bookshelf full of ... um... nothing? 

Both industries are getting affected drastically.  Music stores are dead and bookstores are dying.  We have lost the art of media archaeology.  To dig, is to find. To find is to learn.  To learn is to grow. 

Now the intangible...Friendship.

How many of your Facebook "friends" are really your friends?  When you tweet something and someone you barely know or remember gives you a negative comment, how badly and emotionally are you affected by it?  If you have 2000 'friends", do you really pay attention to them and do you really think at the end of the day that they actually give a shit about you? No... but those are the ones who will hide behind a keyboard and criticize you and your comments, opinions and beliefs. If you are arguing with someone who is technically a stranger, is it an argument worth having? If you "check in" every single place you go, does that make you a better person?... or really make you the mayor of Starbucks?  Do I care that you "like" I Can't Believe it's not Butter or Clorox? NO!!!!  
I did an experiment for my own mental health.  I "turned off" as much as I could for a week to see if I would shrivel up and die.  I only worked on my business Facebook and Pinterest pages (because it's my job) and did nothing on my personal pages.  I didn't play Candy Crush, and I stopped checking my rotating door of email accounts every 30 seconds.  
Guess what? Here I am, still alive and kicking.  The biggest difference I noticed overall was that my neck stiffness backed WAY off as did the ever present knot in my right shoulder blade.  So point one for physical improvement.  My next observation was that no one contacted me out of grave concern of my whereabouts.  Is it because they don't love me or care? No... it is because the life we lead on social media is now so insignificant and our attention spans are so short, no one really notices.    My friends (the real ones) still care and love me and if they are my real friends, then we picked up the phone & talked to each other.  
When I opened my Facebook page in 2007 the idea was simple;  find long lost friends and reconnect.  Now social media is so prevalent in our day to day lives, we can't live without it... and it has become a substitution for human contact.  
The saddest part of this all is that if you currently have young children (I have 2 stepchildren 12 & 14) then they do not know a life nor will they know a life without "being connected".  We don't agree with social media at their age but the live 50/50 split between 2 homes and the thought process is not the same in both homes, so all we do is monitor what we can and pray... pray a lot.  Its like driving.  I consider myself a good driver, it's the other guy I am worried about. Maybe that's just due to experience and taking defensive driving 6 or so times in my life. Same goes with the kids. I'm not so worried about their content, but the content & behavior of their peers.  If you have a pulse then you know that school is rough and kids are shitty.  Add social media and you have a disaster just waiting to happen.
Social media is causing fights, divorces, stupid Darwin like behavior, and news worthy drama.  Some of the dumbest of the dumb are putting their lives out on the web.  Politicians are getting caught with their pants down (literally, thank you dude named Wiener), and the famous and infamous are making complete asses of themselves.

Stop the madness.  Give yourself a break.  If you have an addictive personality, then you are most likely victim to issue.  Having fake friends doesn't make you popular.  Having the most "Pins" won't make you more creative or a better cook (although those 200 recipes you pinned look damn good!), and Tweeting constantly won't help your marriage.  Get off your ass and go outside.  Have your real friends over for a party.  Go out to dinner or if  you are going to "Pin" those 200 recipes, damn well use them.  

I love the internet as much as you do.  I don't want to use a phone book anymore so stop delivering them!  I will continue to do research, buy things, and sell things on the web. I know that I need the internet to run efficient business. I will email my customers and friends when I need to but my constant attachment and addiction to the web is going to change starting now... please feel free to join me.  Take a pledge to at least free yourself for a week or more.  If your kids are attached take notice and act on it and if your kids are little, decide NOW how you will deal with it in the future.  

Although I just preached about the perils of the web, I have to quote one of those awesome cards from www.someecards.com that said 
"There is an amazingly beautiful world out there... that you are crushing as you walk while looking at your cell phone". 

UNPLUG 

Last Rat Standing

We live in a world of rats.  Some are good some are bad.  Some dirty and some clean.  But we, the rats, are always all looking for something in life. Whether we try to be righteous or devil's here on earth it doesn't matter...we always are seeking something more.  The difference is the proverbial cheese.  

Life on Earth continues to change and evolve, and in my personal opinion, right now it is not for the better. 

This won't be a doom & gloom blog but one of many thoughts and observations about who we are, what we do, where we live, and how we act.   The axis upon which our own personal globe spins is up to us as well as the speed with which it spins.  There are so many things that we have put importance on that we are losing sight of what really matters in life.  

I am giving you a paper trail.  Here is where you will find my final post of an old blog & some insight of my plans & thoughts.  In the meantime, I am preparing my first topic of thought for the week.  

...and here is the inspiration for the blog name... compliments of James Bond in Skyfall. 

I hope you are willing to jump into the rat hole with me.