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Inspiration 101: The Tracy Ryan Interview

"Cute girl, too bad she's so big"

I've thought it.  I've said it.  I am not proud of it.

I've had a few friends and acquaintances in my time that have been the internal recipient of that statement.  I also should stress that my thought or concern for anyone overweight is not an aesthetic issue, but one purely of health.

One of those was Tracy Ryan.  I met Tray in the late summer/early fall of 2010.  She worked for the catering company that was handling my wedding.  I didn't deal with Tracy very much but enough to know that she was one of the above mentioned recipients.  Tracy was super friendly and professional, helped with several details (we were not her client) and was a server at the event itself. 

Sometime after our wedding in October of 2010, Tracy showed up on my "Friends you might know" bar on Facebook.  So as with many others that crossed my path I "friended" her.  Shortly after the first of 2011, I noticed that Tracy was working on some kind of weight loss program and posting things on Facebook about her progress.  I followed her and commented here and there, offering kind words, lots of congrats on milestones and "linking" things she did and said. 

Now most of us in life encounter a time when we feel a little podgy or thick but you see, Tracy Ryan was 345 lbs.

In January of 2011 Tracy was approached about being involved with a weight loss project.  She would change to a plant-based diet and work out 2 hours a day with a trainer (one hour cardio, one hour strength training) for one year.  No fad diets, no surgery, no supplements.  Period.

Her reaction? "Sure, what do I have to lose?".  She lost 200 lbs. 

Tracy's weight loss and story was documented in the award winning film "Unsupersize Me".  Many of us saw what happened to Morgan Spurlock in his 2004 documentary "Supersize Me", but what does it take to undo that same damage? How does one "Unsupersize" themselves? 

Watch the Unsupersize me trailer and GET INSPIRED!

Tracy's journey thrust her together with fitness expert/awesome guy (and now best friend) Carly Asse.  Carly is the owner of Zen Fitness in Gainesville, Florida and has a story all his own.  Carly was the All-American good guy, honor student, athlete gone wrong.  A great guy who got caught up in the wrong situation at the wrong time simply by making the wrong decisions.  At age 22 he was arrested with 6 others as a ringleader in an ecstasy drug ring.  Carly served 7 years in a federal penitentiary and his first 6 months in solitary confinement.  He took this opportunity to do whatever it took to change his life around and make the best of his situation, learn from it, and use it to his advantage.  Now he is a very successful multi-millionaire business owner.  If I play my cards right, I hope to bring his story to you in 2014.

Unsupersize Me is an amazingly inspiring story.  It isn't just a story about weight loss.  We follow her weight loss journey but it is presented in such a way that it is a story about erseverance, courage, risk-taking starting over, standing up for yourself, and making big-ass life changes.

I sat down with Tracy to get a little more in-depth look at how her life has changed due to both the weight loss and the success of the movie.

KC:  First off, you look amazing! After watching the movie twice I thought to myself, "It appears though she might have a type A personality because she seems to be so okay with this process".  Is that true or was that simply the defense mechanism kicking in?

TR: Thanks, it was my defenses.  It was all happening so fast and until I saw the movie, I never really saw myself looking like that.  Once I realized I looked that way I was really embarrassed.  Also, I started dealing with things I never thought I would deal with, I mean, okay I am working out and eating different things but my main struggles were mental and social.  I lost a lot of friends, after 3 months I lost my job, and the guy I was dating dumped me because I was losing weight and he liked "larger ladies".  The friends I was hanging out with were unhealthy for me 'cause I wasn't going to go hang out at the all-you-can-eat wing night anymore! Once I started feeling better I started demanding a little more from both my friendships so I needed to rebuild that circle.

KC:  Did you ever want to quit?

TR: (Look at me like I am insane) ... OF COURSE! But it was never the workouts, it was all emotional

KC:  I noticed that there was no mention of your family in the film. Was that for a reason? Are you cool to chat about that now? 

TR:  When I was approached about the project, Carly wanted to have my family as part of the film and I immediately said "no way".  I didn't want them to be put in the public eye because of what I was doing and to be ridiculed for my upbringing, eating habits, you know.

KC:  Were you always heavy?

TR:  Yeah, my whole family is heavy and it is heart wrenching to watch.  We are Italian so when we were growing up someone would invite you over and your response is immediately "What meat can I bring? What cheese can I bring? I'll make the ziti!".  Being from an Italian household it goes without saying that you respect your parents.  I think by doing this they thought I was trying to be better than them. They couldn't understand who this guy (Carly) was that was making me make such drastic changes in my life but now they simply realize that I am cut from a different cloth.  I feel good so I am going to do whatever makes me feel good.

KC:  What about the food side of things? Are there any foods you miss? I mean, you went totally plant based (another term for Vegan), plus you work in food service (Tracy is a catering manager at a local hotel/conference center) so I imagine it is a catch 22 being around food all day, much of which you no longer eat.  

TR:  I have worked in food service all my life so I am used to it.  My TV is still always on the Food Network and I still get Bon Appetit magazine.

KC:  As I watched the film I thought "Could I do it? Go vegan?" but he first thing that comes to mind is ... I don't think I could give up the cheese! (TC laughs)  So do you miss any particular food?

TR:  Yeah, seafood.  But let me say first, I realized I was an emotional eater which most people are.  I recall myself leaving work and heading to Fresh Market to buy a marinated steak.  Then I would go to the liquor store, buy a bottle of wine, get some truffles, and, oh yeah, maybe a gourmet cheese and THAT would be dinner like, 5 nights a week.  I would have such a stressful day at work that I felt like I deserved it.  I grew up very poor so with my job at the time I was making good money and felt like I could treat myself.  I ate red meat/steak every night so I don't crave steak now because I associate it with all of those stressful days.  The seafood thing took me a while to figure out but it was because I associated it with my childhood.  Growing up some of the best times were on Sunday mornings at my house.  When I got old enough to choose whether or not to go to church, my mom gave me that choice and my dad would come in and whisper in my ear, "You can go to church or you can come fishing with me", so there you go, DONE! Fishing it is.  Those were really great memories.  Now that I don't eat fish anymore I quickly realized that I could put Old Bay Seasoning on a shoe and it would make it taste good! I also get creative with cocktail sauces on potatoes and veggies. It all comes down to getting creative with your food.

Tracy proudly wears her milestone on her back!!!

KC:  In the film you talk a little about your childhood.  You are about a generation behind me (Tracy is 32 at the time of interview and old Last Rat Standing is 45) but I know that when I was growing up to see a 345lbs. person on the street was unheard of. Now it is almost sadly normal.  Do you feel the culture shift?

TR:  Totally! Hindsight is 20/20 and what people don't get is the emotional side to eating.  Right now there is this huge movement pushing all of these terms like big is beautiful, big & sassy, and fluffy.  They are making it this way to instill confidence in young girls like it's okay to be this way, encouraging them to be "loud and proud" and NO! It is not okay, it is totally unhealthy! There is an underground culture that is embracing it and I was in it.  I didn't see any reason to lose weight because the push is out there now to make it okay and cool.  Look at clothes, I hated clothes shopping because there were no hip and trendy clothes.  It wasn't cool.  It was all big old lady clothes with flowers and bold patterns.  I would go to the fabric store, buy patterns for wrap skirts and then get the craziest fabrics I could find to make a million different wrap skirts and I was 14.  Now you can find them anywhere because it is pushed onto society that it is normal and okay to be obese.  

KC:  Look at Torrid, apparently that is a hip and trendy "big girls" store catering to Goths. 

(*Note: I did a little research AFTER I wrote this interview and Torrid doesn't only cater to "Goths" as it once did, it is branded as "Plus size fashion for women size 12-28")

TR:  (Laughs) Oh yeah, very fat AND angry, that does wonders for your self-esteem! I see these women and girls on the streets and I want to embrace them all and say, "I hear what you are screaming".  I was there and when I finally realized it, it was a slap in the face.

 KC:  So do you feel like you have had 2 different lives? I mean is there like a before and after effect? I have lost 35lbs. from my heaviest weight so I understand the struggles of diet and weight loss but nothing to that extreme so clearly there are things that you can do now that you couldn't do before.

Before and after her 200lb. weight loss

TR:  Totally.  I constantly have things happen that I never even thought about.  I bent over the other day in my car to tie my shoe and there was no way I could have done that at 345lbs.  After the weight loss I bought my first winter coat!  I didn't really plan it but it got cold and I thought "shit, where is my fat coat?".  I want to buy some boots this year because when you are really heavy your calves won't fit into boots.  Recently I put on a necklace that used to need an extender and I didn't need it! I was so excited because I didn't really think about my neck getting smaller!  I still want to ride a roller coaster and I have yet to try tubing again (Tracy tells about her first and only tubing experience in the film) but it is on my list.  

KC:  You started running which is documented as clearly being a challenge but as I have followed you since then I know you have continued to run (She has run one marathon and 7 half-marathons) so what is next for you?

Tracy at the finish line of the Marine Corps Marathon 2013

TR:  Wow, there is so much.  To start I took a year to lose the weight, the next year I paid off my credit card debt, now my goal is to "pay it forward".  I am on the board of directors of "Girls on the Run" which is a non-profit organization that teaches girls grades 3-8 to "break out of the girl box" meaning you don't have to be like anyone else and you don't have to conform to anyone else, you just have to be a really good you.  All of my negative features that led to my obesity were because people would say things like "Why aren't you like that person?".  When I was a kid in PE I would get made fun of because the kids would lap me around the track but my thinking was "Hey, I'm out here doing something so what does it matter?".  

KC:  The film has won 4 film festival awards and now you are doing public appearances.  Do you feel a little like a rock star? How are you handling the exposure? 

TR:  It's insane.  The appearances keep coming and we have to do Q&A sessions.  At first I was thinking "What do I say? Hi, I was fat, I lost a lot of weight, now I'm not fat?".  It is super weird to watch the film with other people.  Now Carly and I bounce off each other to answer questions that are good for both of us.  There are things that I am uncomfortable answering and vice verse.

KC:  So do you feel any kind of career shift coming? Public speaking maybe?

TR:  I don't know.  I do know that I've gotten TONS of vegan catering requests.  I have 18 on the books for this year and I love it!  Before the film a bride and groom would come in and one of them would be a vegan or vegetarian.  They would usually say "Go ahead and serve chicken because that is what the guests will want to eat." and now they say "No, it's my day and they can be a vegan/vegetarian for one day".  My response is "Right on girl!".  

You can download or purchase a copy of Unsupersize Me here or at the link on my sidebar and follow Tracy on the Unsupersize me Facebook link here.  

Forever Resolution

The new year tends to bring on resolutions.  I have learned from my past that if I try to set some big January 1st goal that it often fizzles out.  Not by a certain date, but because my brain is usually so full that it simply forgets the task at hand.

I have a more in depth blog post coming in the next few weeks but due to recent personal activities wanted to post something now to address some thoughts in my head.

Before you decide you want to lose weight, change your diet, quit smoking, etc... start by looking at your attitude towards yourself and life.  We set these goals and don't follow through.  We set dates and times and then beat ourselves up when we slip.  Are you really ready mentally to make that change? Did someone else tell you to make that change? What is the motivation?  Is it yours or someone elses?
Change is hard and scary which is why many of us avoid it at all costs.  We are told we are too fat, thin, drunk, but unless WE are ready for the change, the change won't be successful.  

Do what it is that is most comfortable to YOU and what will make YOU the most happy.  By saying that I am not condoning running out and getting high because it makes you feel good, I am talking about being happy, healthy, and feeling good NATURALLY.  We are not all blessed with good genes or good surroundings and sometimes a combination of both being bad makes us feel doomed. Remember that YOU are the only one fully in control of your own change.  Unless you have reached the extreme and need to seek out help professionally with anything, start by looking inward to own up to yourself and your feelings.  It is scary but once you get past it the sky is the limit. 

There seems to be an insurgence of groups, and people who realize that the world is in such a bad place that the focus needs to be on the positive.  As my last post states, release the past and live for the present moment as that is all that matters right here and now. Surround yourself with good, positive, like-minded people and things that will bring you joy, luck, and allow you to succeed.  

We made a vow on December 31st to release all of the negative drama, people, and situations that were holding us down and to move forward with all things positive as much as we possibly can. Life is short and can be very sweet if you allow it to.

Don't make a resolution for 2014, make a resolution for life.  

Great Expectations

We all have them.  Expectations of the day, our spouse, our kids, our hair, traffic, vacations, etc... 
We expect certain results based on our actions or the actions of others.
This blog post is living proof.  I just finished my sketch and was ready to upload everything when VOILA! I logged in and the lengthy blog post that I had written a few days ago and "saved" was gone.  
I predicted the future and got screwed.
So here I start again, in a more Cliff Notes abridged version. 

We spend our lives living in the past and the future but never for NOW.  Now that isn't to say that we don't cherish some specific moments, but when the day is typical or drones on, we don't pay attention to those little fleeting moments that we won't get back. We somewhat live in a haze. Driving on autopilot, making the same repeat meals, doing the same old job.  We regret things we have done in the past or blame others for things they have done to us, but we don't LIVE in the current moment.  We look to the next big thing in our future: an upcoming vacation, buying that bad ass pair of new shoes, moving to a new city, but when we get there what do we do? We plan out the Next-Big-Thing.

As a yoga instructor I teach others to Be Present. This is a very Buddha way of thinking and I am not Buddhist, however I have learned on my yogic path that this is a pretty cool way to live.  Stop what you are doing now which is presumably reading this post, and look around you, smell the air, look out the window, pet the cat/dog/fish, enjoy THIS moment you are living for now.  When you live in the moment and follow the path of Being Present you can not only enjoy the good moments, but feel the bad ones in a different light so that you really know when you don't want to repeat them again.  Our lives are full of hours, minutes, and seconds that we can't ever get back, don't you want to know that they were spent being lived to the fullest? 

As for the expectations, when you live for NOW you stop trying to predict the future.  No matter what you or I are doing right now, we cannot predict what will happen next.  When you stop trying, life gets sweeter. I could have my entire evening planned to the minute but if my doorbell rings unexpectedly, my future has changed.  If I have a fender bender tomorrow while driving to work, my future has changed.  If the weather is crap and I am about to travel, my future has changed.  So what have I done by having expectations? I have set myself up for disappointment.  Now that doesn't mean that all outcomes are negative but the fact remains, you can't predict the future.  

Same goes for the past.  I have some fantastic memories and some really crappy moments in my past life. Some of them were due to my own stupidity and idiocy and some were due to other fucktards I encountered.  On occasion some were even caused by those that I loved.  Nevertheless, they happened, they are in the past, and you can't change the past.  I wish I could go back to all of the amazing feelings but I can't, I can only create new ones.  No matter how bad I feel, how much I regret my mistakes, or how angry someone elses actions have made me, I can't change them or take them back either... ever.  So why do we beat ourselves and other up over the past?  
I have one family member that will start heated arguments over something that happened 20 years ago! I have an in-law that has repeated the same negative stories about the same people over and over and over to the point that I could recite them in my sleep! What the hell does that accomplish? 2 examples of people who are negative and pissed off at the world.  Living in the past and proud of it, waiting for that magical someone to say "You know what? You are right, they were SO wrong and you were SO right.". Whew, now we can move on to the next 20 years of bitching and moaning! ...I can't wait ...

The past is what makes us who we are, what defines us and what shapes us as human beings.  What we should at least strive to do is learn from our mistakes. Period. Don't hold on to them and don't repeat them. As for the good stuff, as long as it is legal and doesn't hurt anyone, do it over and over and over again.

Forgive those who have hurt you.  That doesn't mean you have to forget but to forgive is to release yourself from the negativity of those feelings and to start over. With that said, you don't have to be a doormat.  You can forgive and step away from the problem.  Move on, case closed.  

Life is a day to day challenge full of surprises.  If you can learn to Be Present and live for now you will allow yourself to see things more clearly, more defined and to take in at least some of those hours, minutes and seconds that you would have otherwise just ignored or floated through on auto-pilot.  Be Present when you bite into a piece of food by simply doing nothing else but eating.  Don't watch TV, don't hang out on the web, just eat.  Let the taste buds do their job so you can actually taste your food.  Be Present when you listen to music.  Don't talk, just listen to each and every sweet note and word sung.  Be Present when you sit, walk, and breathe.  When someone is talking to you, actually take in not only the sound but the words being spoken.  Each moment is there to be enjoyed, you just have to start tapping into them to get the best out of them.

As this is the holiday season, take this opportunity to start Being Present.  Surround yourself with good people that have good intentions.  Like attracts like. Let go of expectations and simply live for each moment this season has to offer.  If the shopping frenzy is too much then back off and make note to shop earlier next year. If the family is just far too dysfunctional then limit the time spent with them or vow to change tradition next year.  Whatever you do, at least take a minute or two a day to start on a path to Being Present.  

Let go of the past, let the future be an exciting, unknown adventure and enjoy NOW.  

Happy Holidays from the Rat Hole.  

Marriage: Now in disposables!

Marriage used to be an institution, a promise, a vow for life.
Now it is a convenience for anyone who watches too much reality TV to think that it is quite easy to marry someone and just as easy to divorce them after 17 weeks. 

"Did you see the way he was lookin' at her? I wanna divorce, MO**** FU****!"

My husband & I own a marine rigging company.  Just one of many MANY hats I wear.  As my life is like a tilt-o-whirl out of control I have a million things floating around in my head at all times... in violent circles and a lot of them revolve around boat parts which is how we come to the analogy below.

Marriage is like rigging ... ( PSST! Welcome to boating 101. Rigging is the wires that hold up the mast of a sailboat which is the big stick thingy that holds up the sail.  Got it? Okay moving on ...) 
Rigging has about a 10-12 year life span due to life expectancy of the materials. If a piece of rigging breaks when the boat is under sail the results can be catastrophic.  These are like the arteries of the rig.  One breaks and the mast can come crashing down causing injury or death.  Just like in marriage, you cant always see the problem.  With rigging we tend to hear customers say "it looks good" or, "my rigging is 20-30 years old and its fine!" (usually by an old crusty sailor who won't be told any different). Think about it ... your wife, your husband, your life.  3, 5, 10 years into your marriage ... It's NEW! It's EXCITING! It's FUN! (if you're lucky, or dull as hell if you're not) but as it gets older you kind of forget about it, you take it for granted, you let it ride out the storm (pun intended) and you don't maintain it.  Rigging damage doesn't typically occur in the strands of wire but where the wire connects to the fittings.  They get stressed under load, they crack, and they get what is called crevice corrosion (and NOBODY likes a corroded crevice). These are internal problems, you can't see them.  Things look fantastic on the outside but are breaking down and cracking from the inside.  You have to replace them before they stress to their maximum load.  

NO THIS IS NOT AN ENDORSEMENT FOR DIVORCE!!!!!! 

You need to take care of them, you need to watch over them, keep them as shiny and new for as long as you can and when the time comes to replace them do so before it is too late. 

Replace: Bad feelings for good ones
Replace: Put downs for compliments
Replace: Selfish for Share nice and you can play in my sandbox
Replace: Divorce brain to make this shit work brain
Replace: Silence for speak
Replace: Anger for LOVE

You made a vow to love, cherish and honor that person 'til death do you part.  If you didn't take your vows seriously when you made them, than you should have never hitched the wagon in the first place.  

3 weeks ago I celebrated my 3rd wedding anniversary .  Since we married we've lost jobs, been sued, and had more dysfunctional family drama than most people have in a lifetime.  
Has it been easy? No. Has it been hard? Beyond belief.  

I took 42 years (old maid) to find my first and only husband.  Why? Because that's the hand I was dealt. 
I had the fairy tale dreams, monstrous wedding, white picketed fence, 2 kids (one of each) fantasies when I was a kid but that just simply isn't the way life worked out and it is okay by me.  I had time to have fun, be an asshole, make a LOT of stupid mistakes and moved on (Cliff notes version).

Then in 2008 I met a man with an accent who changed my life.   

When we got married we had to undergo 6 sessions with our pastor. He wasn't a counselor or a therapist but as he put it, "I am a realist". One of the first things he did was to provide us with some statistics:
"Based on current stats in the US, your marriage has a 50% rate of survival".  Holy shit.  Because my husband was on his second marriage and I had been in a long term relationship (9 years), our survival rate dropped even lower.  The odds were and still are against us.  The biggest piece of advice he gave that still sticks with me was "don't lose sight of who you are as an individual". 
You will live your lives together, make decisions together, and have fun together, but don't forget to keep doing what ever it is that YOU enjoy doing to keep you happy and sane.  Keep your own internal flame lit and be sure to respect that same time and space for your spouse. That doesn't mean go out and get shitfaced every night with your friends because that is what makes YOU happy. You create boundaries and trust with one another and that all comes with respect for your marriage.

Live your lives with respect for each other as human beings. We are no better than the other person.  We all bleed the same.  

Go into marriage with the intention of forever.  It is better to back out before you take the plunge than to dive in and become another statistic.  If you are young (20's) take time to get to know this person and make the right decision.  Don't rush marriage because you are so blinded by the excitement of a ring and a wedding day. It won't always be that glorious wedding day under the sun.  Rings tarnish, the flowers die, and the anniversaries start to stack up.  
Once you unpack that suitcase & write the thank-you notes, real-life starts back up again. They don't say "the honeymoons over" for nothing.

Marriage is HARD.  Marriage is WORK. 

So regardless of what we have been through so far and what is yet to come, I only want to do this once. I made a vow and I intend to keep it. 
Come hell, high water, or mentally dysfunctional family. 

For those of you already married just remember that you took a solemn vow in front of your spouse, your friends and family, your officiant, and your "God" (insert your own format here_____). Don't think about divorce until you have worked yourself to the bone in order to save it. Divorce is easy, marriage is hard.  Are you a hard worker or a quitter? 

Do whatever it takes to maintain your "marital rigging" so it will be there alongside you to support you forever and be the best spouse you can possibly be.  xo

Help (I need somebody)

One week ago today my husband & I were sitting on our deck drinking coffee around 9:30ish am.  The weather was gorgeous, the kids were asleep and the cats were watching us through the windows.  The birds were singing, a few dogs barking, but all in all, a pretty peaceful scene... until 'BANG'!!! We looked at each other and no one said a word but we both thought the same thing ... gun shot.  Now we don't live in the ghetto but we hear a lot of fireworks and occasional shots that sound like pellet guns & such so to be honest, we didn't say a word to each other, just a glance, then back to our coffee.

About an hour later we decided to take a family bike ride.  While out we noticed a LOT of police activity approx. 5 doors down.  First thing my husband said to me "remember what we heard earlier?".  It hadn't even crossed my over-busy mind.  An hour later, a forensics van arrived.

Long and short of it, after a few phone calls to neighbors I found out that the couple who lived in that house had been going through (or getting ready to) a divorce.  The husband apparently had come to the house while the wife was out, mowed the lawn, then shot himself in the backyard.  His son found him.

My first relief was that there was no break-in or murder among our quiet 'hood, however when reality set in I was highly disturbed by the thought that I heard the sound that took another human beings last moment on this earth...and it was only a short walk from my own home.

I can luckily say that I have no experience with suicide, nor do I wish to. It scares me.  It doesn't solve anything and what I have witnessed is the pain and suffering that it causes those left behind. 
My intention with this blog is not to rant on sad, depressing or bitchy things but as the topics come up, I take them and run with them.  It took me a week to decide whether or not to address this so here we are.

I have been depressed.  Clinically. Emotionally.  Mentally. Classify it how you wish but even in what I considered my darkest hour I never thought of ending my life because of it.  Depression is real and if you have never experienced it consider yourself lucky.  It isn't bullshit and it isn't something someone does for attention.  If they are truly depressed, it is an illness, a chemical imbalance in the brain.  It can be caused by the genes floating around in your body or it can be the result of a traumatic event (situational). After weeks and weeks of my freaky behavior I decided to address it and to this day I am thankful that I did. Noticed it, got it treated, moved on with my life.

Life presents many gifts in life and they aren't all good.  Death, divorce, termination, ridicule, there is a big nasty list of reasons to be pissed off and sad but there is ALWAYS a brighter side.  A shelter to house you, a kitchen to feed you, a church to guide you.  
I am not an expert, a doctor, a social worker, or a psychiatrist.  I am another human being who has compassion for others whether human or four-legged.  This past 3 years has aged me rapidly due to many stressful situations that were out of my control.  They brought me down but I always had faith that life would get better.  Even in the event that my "worst enemy" (so to speak) was in dire straights I would be the girl voted "Most likely to help an asshole even though they screwed me over" because that's just how I am.  
This world (and this country) is losing its compassion for each other in a rapid succession day by day.  In the words of the great Metallica, it is Sad But True.  We are all about me me me and it needs to change.

Reach out and help your fellow man, woman, or child.  If you know someone who is showing signs of depression or even worse, desperation, see what you can do and how you can help.  It can be something as simple as listening, sharing a meal, or guiding that person to the resources they need to get back on a clear path to happiness.

Life is a beautiful thing, don't waste it, regret it, end it ,or let it pass you by. 
xoxoxo

Fear Factor

"Fear not what you can do yourself, but fear what others can do to you!"... wait, that's not it... "The only thing we have to fear, is the fear of other idiots!".... nope... one more... "fear is only as deep as you let your enemies drive it into you"... sigh...

Okay, don't quote me then.  Fear sucks. Fear of heights, fear of snakes, fear of death.  But I think the biggest fear is the fear instilled by another human being which in turn, causes us to have fear within ourselves.

I have been involved in a few situations in the past few years that have brought me a little closer to the fear factor.  People get off on trying to scare you, to intimidate you, to create fear.  It has been family related, money related, and legally related.  What I find the most interesting of all is that the basic idea behind all of these things is to make someone else feel like shit.  

When you think positive, you feel positive, and when you feel positive it can do two things: 1) Make those around you feel better, about themselves, about the day, whatever. 2) Make those who have a problem with you REALLY pissed off.  

The last thing your arch nemesis wants for you is to succeed and be happy.  Hopefully you don't have an "arch nemesis" in your life but more likely than not you have encountered those who have some beef with you.  These are typically miserable, negative, saddened, lonely people who are not happy or satisfied with their own lives.  By lonely I don't mean alone.  You can have 20 people standing around you at all times and still be lonely.  How so? Because you are not happy or fulfilled with your own self.  If you don't like YOU then how can you expect others to follow suit? It is hard to convince people to think "damn that chick is awesome" if you look in the mirror every day thinking you are an unhappy, unattractive, unwealthy, unhealthy, etc.. etc... individual.  

Life brings us experiences and with experience comes mistakes.  We all make mistakes.  We are not perfect and we should never claim to be.  I've made more mistakes than I care to admit but I've learned from each and every one of them & hopefully, won't repeat them.  When you learn from them, you persevere.  When you repeat them, well... you are an idiot. 

There is this thing called forgiveness.  You don't have to forget what someone did to you but you can forgive them.  This is an individual choice and one that is hard to do for some people, sometimes you simply can't forgive someone for their actions if they are just that bad.   But I've learned a few things this past few years about forgiveness.  It is much easier and healthier than hate and plotting revenge.  I've even taken to forgiving some real shitbags simply because I feel sorry for them.  When you are in your teens & 20's it can be common to have that "get even" spirit.  I've been there, I've done it.  She said, he said, I'm going to call her & tell her, you call them and tell them, lets stir the proverbial pot.  When you are young (I hate to admit it) it's fun.  As you get older, hopefully you realize that the idea of "sweet revenge" isn't really all that fun... it is draining and taxing and frankly I have better things to do with my life than spend another moment on someone else's anger and stupidity.

So much for getting off track.  Fear.  When someone is pissed at you they can threaten you, taunt you, hate you, or plot against you.  This takes effort and energy.  What they want to create is fear and misery.  When you give in to that fear, they win.  Same goes for fear created in our day to day lives.  Our world is scary but you have to life your life each day to the fullest if you can.  Just as there was a horrific massacre in a Kenyan mall last week, you or I could find ourselves standing in the wrong building at the wrong time and someone could shoot me or blow up the place I stand.  I'm not trying to be morbid but I am trying to be realistic because this is the world we have created and the one we live in.  

Life is short.  As I sit her typing, this is my life.  It is passing me by with each and every second, minute, hour and day and once it passes, I can't get it back.  Neither can you.  My 45th birthday is in a few weeks and I reflect back to my mother saying "time flies by, before you know it you'll by my age!"... Yup... she was right. As far as I am concerned, I was 30, like... a week ago.  I realize that giving in to the fear that these idiots in my life are creating is senseless.  I have a great family both immediate and by marriage, great friends and students and I simply cannot live life looking over my shoulder waiting to see what trick is up "their" sleeve. My main goals in life are to create a happy family and as much abundance as possible.  I am working on the abundance as we speak.  When someone has a problem with you, the last thing they want to see you do is succeed so it is my new goal in life to do just that. Succeed.... big time... with honors. 

I won't spend too much time on word wars with "you". I won't spend much time getting stressed out over "your" actions towards me, and I will do everything in my God-given power to make sure that I create a fantastic life for my family as well as being positive and happy while I do it.  Want to talk about me? Go ahead, because I won't respond on "your" level...why not you ask? Because your level is low class.  What I realize is that YOU have the problem not me.  YOU have chosen to spend YOUR time and effort in YOUR life to bother me, us, and everyone that doesn't agree with YOU.  I won't waste MY time and energy on you.  With all that said, take these words in BOTH directions.  Don't give in to the fear and don't create the fear.  

Is this post personal? Yes, personal to me. It is personal for me to pass on the message that fear is something that should be reserved for your fear of sharks, small places, spiders, and things that go bump in the night. Not the fear of the average Jane & John Doe who's priorities are in the wrong place. 
Use your energy wisely my friends, life is happening here and now and what is gone, can't be brought back. 

Live your life to the fullest... live your life with happiness... and most of all: 

"Find yourself and love what you find" -  K. Crisp