We expect certain results based on our actions or the actions of others.
This blog post is living proof. I just finished my sketch and was ready to upload everything when VOILA! I logged in and the lengthy blog post that I had written a few days ago and "saved" was gone.
I predicted the future and got screwed.
So here I start again, in a more Cliff Notes abridged version.
We spend our lives living in the past and the future but never for NOW. Now that isn't to say that we don't cherish some specific moments, but when the day is typical or drones on, we don't pay attention to those little fleeting moments that we won't get back. We somewhat live in a haze. Driving on autopilot, making the same repeat meals, doing the same old job. We regret things we have done in the past or blame others for things they have done to us, but we don't LIVE in the current moment. We look to the next big thing in our future: an upcoming vacation, buying that bad ass pair of new shoes, moving to a new city, but when we get there what do we do? We plan out the Next-Big-Thing.
As a yoga instructor I teach others to Be Present. This is a very Buddha way of thinking and I am not Buddhist, however I have learned on my yogic path that this is a pretty cool way to live. Stop what you are doing now which is presumably reading this post, and look around you, smell the air, look out the window, pet the cat/dog/fish, enjoy THIS moment you are living for now. When you live in the moment and follow the path of Being Present you can not only enjoy the good moments, but feel the bad ones in a different light so that you really know when you don't want to repeat them again. Our lives are full of hours, minutes, and seconds that we can't ever get back, don't you want to know that they were spent being lived to the fullest?
As for the expectations, when you live for NOW you stop trying to predict the future. No matter what you or I are doing right now, we cannot predict what will happen next. When you stop trying, life gets sweeter. I could have my entire evening planned to the minute but if my doorbell rings unexpectedly, my future has changed. If I have a fender bender tomorrow while driving to work, my future has changed. If the weather is crap and I am about to travel, my future has changed. So what have I done by having expectations? I have set myself up for disappointment. Now that doesn't mean that all outcomes are negative but the fact remains, you can't predict the future.
Same goes for the past. I have some fantastic memories and some really crappy moments in my past life. Some of them were due to my own stupidity and idiocy and some were due to other fucktards I encountered. On occasion some were even caused by those that I loved. Nevertheless, they happened, they are in the past, and you can't change the past. I wish I could go back to all of the amazing feelings but I can't, I can only create new ones. No matter how bad I feel, how much I regret my mistakes, or how angry someone elses actions have made me, I can't change them or take them back either... ever. So why do we beat ourselves and other up over the past?
I have one family member that will start heated arguments over something that happened 20 years ago! I have an in-law that has repeated the same negative stories about the same people over and over and over to the point that I could recite them in my sleep! What the hell does that accomplish? 2 examples of people who are negative and pissed off at the world. Living in the past and proud of it, waiting for that magical someone to say "You know what? You are right, they were SO wrong and you were SO right.". Whew, now we can move on to the next 20 years of bitching and moaning! ...I can't wait ...
The past is what makes us who we are, what defines us and what shapes us as human beings. What we should at least strive to do is learn from our mistakes. Period. Don't hold on to them and don't repeat them. As for the good stuff, as long as it is legal and doesn't hurt anyone, do it over and over and over again.
Forgive those who have hurt you. That doesn't mean you have to forget but to forgive is to release yourself from the negativity of those feelings and to start over. With that said, you don't have to be a doormat. You can forgive and step away from the problem. Move on, case closed.
Life is a day to day challenge full of surprises. If you can learn to Be Present and live for now you will allow yourself to see things more clearly, more defined and to take in at least some of those hours, minutes and seconds that you would have otherwise just ignored or floated through on auto-pilot. Be Present when you bite into a piece of food by simply doing nothing else but eating. Don't watch TV, don't hang out on the web, just eat. Let the taste buds do their job so you can actually taste your food. Be Present when you listen to music. Don't talk, just listen to each and every sweet note and word sung. Be Present when you sit, walk, and breathe. When someone is talking to you, actually take in not only the sound but the words being spoken. Each moment is there to be enjoyed, you just have to start tapping into them to get the best out of them.
As this is the holiday season, take this opportunity to start Being Present. Surround yourself with good people that have good intentions. Like attracts like. Let go of expectations and simply live for each moment this season has to offer. If the shopping frenzy is too much then back off and make note to shop earlier next year. If the family is just far too dysfunctional then limit the time spent with them or vow to change tradition next year. Whatever you do, at least take a minute or two a day to start on a path to Being Present.
Let go of the past, let the future be an exciting, unknown adventure and enjoy NOW.
Happy Holidays from the Rat Hole.
