Vagina shorts

Yes I said it...Vagina.

The noonie, vag, puss, twat, bearded clam, fish taco, cooch, etc...etc...

Don't be so flabbergasted my prudes, you see it all over the street, all over the news, and on every channel you turn to so saying it out loud shouldn't really turn you any shade pink except maybe poontang pink! 

When I was in my 20's I wore short  shorts so I get it. You're young and you want to look like a hot piece of ass. Been there done that.

Now there's a difference in being hot and sexy and looking like a skanky whore with you labia hanging out. 

Sorry to be graphic but that's how you ladies dress, graphic...and it ain't flattering.

The most recent revelation of the vagina outrage came in the form of an Achy Breaky daughter and her foam friend on MTV a few weeks ago. Now if you go back in pop culture history you know there is always, and will continue to be...shock value. Madonna started it, Lady Gaga followed  a few decades later, but I'm not really sure how to even define what Miley was trying to do. She's a really cute girl, good voice, great body. However, waggling the tongue once was ok, slapping it all over the stage was just odd. The bears were cute but her outfit was not...it fit badly and wasn't flattering. Licking all over Robin Thicke was just like watching Madonna at 50 making out with Britney...disturbing. Then she screwed herself with the foam finger...WTF? 

Okay let me reiterate, I'm no prude, but that wasn't really a display of shock value, just slop value. Nothing cute, sexy, or edgy...just sloppy...and now that cute girl who had the hearts of billions of teens and their parents are all scratching their heads thinking "dear God I hope my daughter doesn't end up like that". 

Madonna rolling around in a wedding dress on the MTV awards in the 80's is like a day in church compared to that fine display of Klassiness...yes, with a capital K.

There is a way to be hot and sexy. You can wear your short shorts, your mini skirts, torso tops, cha cha heels, whatever...pick your poison. But remember that what you portray is what you'll attract. Dress skank, attract skank. Dress whore, get treated like a whore. Dress class and you will attract class.

As for the shorts...men please don't be fooled by us and how "comfortable" we say everything is. It's not. Our 5" heels are not comfortable nor are the shorts with the 1 centimeter inseam. Mom always said "sometimes you have to suffer to look good". Yes, she really said that as she made me put lotion on my hands so I could jam bracelets on that were too small, but as I got older I had to adopt my own reality of "this is crazy".  If it doesn't fit, don't wear it.

If you have to tug, dig, pull and grab the articles of clothing you are wearing constantly up, on, or out of your crevices...THEY DON'T FIT!  If you walk like a baby calf in your wedges...THEY ARE TOO TALL! If you have camel toe, you are not doing your nether regions any good so don't complain when you have a full blown loaf of bread baking downtown.

I'm not perfect by any stretch. I've dug plenty of thong from MY nether regions, but I did it when no one was looking! I was blessed with a mother who cared a little too much about fashion so I was tutored on how to walk in heels around age 13. No small task for a 5'10" adolescent. But most importantly she taught me to dress with class and style.

I have my own wacky ways of fashion but my shit is covered...and as I get older I won't lose my youthful ways but I will make damn sure I don't look like a middle aged woman desperate to be 20 again. Your 40+ year old cleavage looks good UNLESS you have 25 years of sun damage which means your cleavage looks like a ravine heading to the desert.  Not attractive.  According to my husband, my body is perfect and if he thinks that then that is all I care about.  There is a fine line to walk... if your man is overprotective and wants you covered in a sheet, lose him.  He's overprotective and over jealous.  He should want you to look good and for other guys to be envious that you are the one on his arm.  If he wants you to dress like a whore... well... then he is probably trash himself and doesn't respect you the way you deserve.

Take pride in yourself and flaunt what you've got... but remember... do it with class and style.  Show your long legs, your big boobs, your great bod, whatever but present yourself in a way that people go "Wow, she looks fantastic!", not "gross, what a slut".  Make your momma proud and your daddy sigh with relief that his little girl isn't half-naked when she walks out the door.

If you listen to Usher's song "Yeah",  Ludacris sums it all up in one line.
"We want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed".
So there you go... there is a place for everything... even your vagina shorts. 

Unplugged

Question: How many of you were raised with a rotary dial phone?
Question: How many of you are thinking "What the hell is a rotary dial phone?".

Our ways of communication have changed dramatically through the course of history.  Grunting, hand signals, hieroglyphics, Morse code, telegraph, can & string, telephone, screaming across the room... you get it... but nothing prepared this planet for the PC or the mobile phone. 

In my lifetime, I grew up with one phone, dialed with a finger going 'round and 'round each number.  If you were lucky you got through.  If you were cheap you might hear your neighbors talking because you shared a "party line", and if you were unlucky... GASP! You got a busy signal.  
Several months back my 12 year old stepson said "what's a dial tone? what's a busy signal?"  The only reason they know what a rotary phone is is because I have 2 in the house as kitsch. 
I get it, I'm middle aged & rapidly turning into a crusty old lady.  

The good news is that I am on the cusp of being blessed by technology yet smart enough to realize that I am also being cursed by it.  I got my first PC in 1995 (ish) and my first cell around the same time.  Both were expensive and slow, the internet was dial-up and the mobile was pricey and had spotty coverage.  You used your phone in an emergency OR to show people how cool you were (or if you were lucky... they might perceive you as rich).  The fascination with the internet was chat rooms, IM'ing and the World Wide Web as presented by Netscape.  

Fast forward 15+  years and we live in a completely different world.   One completely connected by electronic devices.  We are unable to function in our day to day living without our smartphone strapped to our side or our laptop, PC, or tablet within reach,  We are a society destined for neck, shoulder, eye and back problems simply because we walk around like zombies in the "downward head" position.  ...and what exactly is so important that we are spending most waking hours of our days tied to these things? My best guess #1 is social media.  My 2nd guess is texting tied closely with email. 
It is a worldwide addiction/epidemic and I too have become victimized by the electronic plague.

The internet is fantastic, don't get me wrong.  We no longer need encyclopedias, maps, reference books, reading books, records, cassette tapes or CD's... or human contact... and THAT is the kicker.  

Let's start with the tangible stuff... 

There is no longer a need for music stores & that affects and saddens me the most.  Regardless of the format, buying music used to be a social experience.  You were forced out of the house to go on a journey. It didn't matter if you were waiting for a new release or just going "because", hanging out at the music store was something to do. 
Early on you were forced to take a chance and buy an entire album.  It didn't matter if 8 out of 10 songs on that album were shit, if you wanted the good songs or the popular songs, you had to buy it all.  The 45 rpm single was an option but often as it was, the B-side could also tend to be crap.  As times progressed you could toss on some badly worn headphones &  listen to samples  in-store of new releases or some awkward, undiscovered talent that was just lucky enough to have some pimply-faced record store clerk who LOVED their music so much that he/she convinced someone to make it "managers choice" that week.  
The music store is where we met our friends, ran into people we knew, or just made an escape from reality. But it had a smell, a feel, and LOT'S of sounds that gave us fantastic memories. 
Now we sit at our desk, in our home, in front of a screen, scrolling through MP3's... alone.   We no longer have to buy the shitty music we were once forced to.  Is that bad?  For the artist it is a tragedy of lost revenue.  For the consumer it is a mixed bag.   There is no longer a discovery process.  For anyone who lived through life before digital media you know all to well the familiar scene of listening to your record, cassette, or CD the first time & deciding after 4 notes that a song was crap... but then one time, just one time you accidentally let the music play through to discover.., it wasn't all that bad, and after playing it over and over and over we found ourselves reading the words in the liner notes, and singing it out loud.  I love my iPod (it died a tragic death and hasn't been replaced) because I no longer need to put CD's, cassettes or 8-tracks in my car.  My music is portable and the size of a fat credit card... but it comes at a price, and one that I am really sad that as a society we had to pay.  I miss you Tower Records... sob sob... 

Growing up there was the RIF program.  Reading is Fundamental.  You had to read so many books a year in school and were rewarded for reading so many over the summer.  The local library was yet, another place to go, get information, be social and be seen.  My dad used to take me to the library every Saturday.  I picked out mountains of books, read them like a fiend, and returned them 2 weeks later.  It was the 1970's. Judy Blume was to be worshiped by every pre-teen, and teenage girl (sorry, we didn't use the stupid term "tween" back then) and that was where you learned your lessons in life... "Are you there God, it's Me Margaret" was a pre-teen bible.  
Once again, the library, the bookstore...an EXPERIENCE.  As I got older the used bookstores became my favorite because they were another place to learn and discover and maybe run into your friends & acquaintances.  Some of my favorites were in old buildings with nooks & alcoves you could sit in and get lost in.  They had a dust old smell of their own.  You could scour the aisles for a familiar author, or simply get sucked in by the look of the intriguing artwork on a books cover. 
Now we can't be bothered with the book much less the bookstore.  The Kindles, iPads, and Nooks of the world have replaced the book.  Once again, a mixed bag.  Less paper, I'm okay with that.  Less to carry around, I'm okay with that. Another screen to look at? I'm not okay with that.  I predict that the eye care industry is going to absolutely surge in the next 10 years because of our generation and beyond due to the increasing use of screen time. I've worn glasses since I was 2 and frankly if I didn't have that expense in my life I would be a happier person.
I love the feel of a book in my hand, and creating a library in my home.  As someone with a design background I just don't think the same effect will be achieved with a bookshelf full of ... um... nothing? 

Both industries are getting affected drastically.  Music stores are dead and bookstores are dying.  We have lost the art of media archaeology.  To dig, is to find. To find is to learn.  To learn is to grow. 

Now the intangible...Friendship.

How many of your Facebook "friends" are really your friends?  When you tweet something and someone you barely know or remember gives you a negative comment, how badly and emotionally are you affected by it?  If you have 2000 'friends", do you really pay attention to them and do you really think at the end of the day that they actually give a shit about you? No... but those are the ones who will hide behind a keyboard and criticize you and your comments, opinions and beliefs. If you are arguing with someone who is technically a stranger, is it an argument worth having? If you "check in" every single place you go, does that make you a better person?... or really make you the mayor of Starbucks?  Do I care that you "like" I Can't Believe it's not Butter or Clorox? NO!!!!  
I did an experiment for my own mental health.  I "turned off" as much as I could for a week to see if I would shrivel up and die.  I only worked on my business Facebook and Pinterest pages (because it's my job) and did nothing on my personal pages.  I didn't play Candy Crush, and I stopped checking my rotating door of email accounts every 30 seconds.  
Guess what? Here I am, still alive and kicking.  The biggest difference I noticed overall was that my neck stiffness backed WAY off as did the ever present knot in my right shoulder blade.  So point one for physical improvement.  My next observation was that no one contacted me out of grave concern of my whereabouts.  Is it because they don't love me or care? No... it is because the life we lead on social media is now so insignificant and our attention spans are so short, no one really notices.    My friends (the real ones) still care and love me and if they are my real friends, then we picked up the phone & talked to each other.  
When I opened my Facebook page in 2007 the idea was simple;  find long lost friends and reconnect.  Now social media is so prevalent in our day to day lives, we can't live without it... and it has become a substitution for human contact.  
The saddest part of this all is that if you currently have young children (I have 2 stepchildren 12 & 14) then they do not know a life nor will they know a life without "being connected".  We don't agree with social media at their age but the live 50/50 split between 2 homes and the thought process is not the same in both homes, so all we do is monitor what we can and pray... pray a lot.  Its like driving.  I consider myself a good driver, it's the other guy I am worried about. Maybe that's just due to experience and taking defensive driving 6 or so times in my life. Same goes with the kids. I'm not so worried about their content, but the content & behavior of their peers.  If you have a pulse then you know that school is rough and kids are shitty.  Add social media and you have a disaster just waiting to happen.
Social media is causing fights, divorces, stupid Darwin like behavior, and news worthy drama.  Some of the dumbest of the dumb are putting their lives out on the web.  Politicians are getting caught with their pants down (literally, thank you dude named Wiener), and the famous and infamous are making complete asses of themselves.

Stop the madness.  Give yourself a break.  If you have an addictive personality, then you are most likely victim to issue.  Having fake friends doesn't make you popular.  Having the most "Pins" won't make you more creative or a better cook (although those 200 recipes you pinned look damn good!), and Tweeting constantly won't help your marriage.  Get off your ass and go outside.  Have your real friends over for a party.  Go out to dinner or if  you are going to "Pin" those 200 recipes, damn well use them.  

I love the internet as much as you do.  I don't want to use a phone book anymore so stop delivering them!  I will continue to do research, buy things, and sell things on the web. I know that I need the internet to run efficient business. I will email my customers and friends when I need to but my constant attachment and addiction to the web is going to change starting now... please feel free to join me.  Take a pledge to at least free yourself for a week or more.  If your kids are attached take notice and act on it and if your kids are little, decide NOW how you will deal with it in the future.  

Although I just preached about the perils of the web, I have to quote one of those awesome cards from www.someecards.com that said 
"There is an amazingly beautiful world out there... that you are crushing as you walk while looking at your cell phone". 

UNPLUG 

Last Rat Standing

We live in a world of rats.  Some are good some are bad.  Some dirty and some clean.  But we, the rats, are always all looking for something in life. Whether we try to be righteous or devil's here on earth it doesn't matter...we always are seeking something more.  The difference is the proverbial cheese.  

Life on Earth continues to change and evolve, and in my personal opinion, right now it is not for the better. 

This won't be a doom & gloom blog but one of many thoughts and observations about who we are, what we do, where we live, and how we act.   The axis upon which our own personal globe spins is up to us as well as the speed with which it spins.  There are so many things that we have put importance on that we are losing sight of what really matters in life.  

I am giving you a paper trail.  Here is where you will find my final post of an old blog & some insight of my plans & thoughts.  In the meantime, I am preparing my first topic of thought for the week.  

...and here is the inspiration for the blog name... compliments of James Bond in Skyfall. 

I hope you are willing to jump into the rat hole with me.